you can't distract what you want

 My heart implodes from utter adoration

like a child obsessing with "love"

hoping for a feeling, waiting and inviting the thought 

I dream of your face

when fingers touch, it's nothing much

lasting eye contact and a wink

what am I supposed to think?

I hold no risk, no deeper hurt

no complications, just me

and all of myself for that one moment

but you lie through your silence 

and lie you do the most to yourself

no boundaries you set and so I'm led to believe you're just a coward

unless I'm in denial and you're solely hesitant to reject me or my delusions

surely you know.

in either case, what am I to think?

what am I to know if you say nothing?

am i the one lost in this scenario?

or are you conflicted....

if the world had different rules

would you speak to me? 

would you dare to even be my friend 

when I push and test you

when i try to provoke your deepest thoughts 

even when you don't even know them yourself?

let me love you 

as a friend or not 

and if neither, then say it blunt 

speak your truth

and don't be afraid to acknowledge your emotions or thoughts 

a thought is never "wrong" and honestly if you ask me, nor is an action

nothing is 

except for refusing to truly live or risking failure or mistakes

a society of openly transparent individuals sounds far more exciting than a society of invisibles 

just say it all, think it all, and then decide the best solution...together if need be

even if you don't think it's the case, you are in control 

not communicating or addressing matters won't make them disappear

take the leap, send the text, make the call, just have fun with life

silence and fear cause more pain and hurt than anything else

make it messy

let people judge you outwardly, 

and then envy your courage and free-spirit in private

do anything......

anything except waiting for death and fearing its arrival